An Intentional Model of Building Community

The power on an intentional model

It's now become clear that the health of our communities has a direct relationship to the quality of our lives. When our community thrives, we thrive.

Every community has stories about how people came together to create the things that people value and cherish today. Good things happen in communities when people engage each other in conversations that energize, engage, and empower them.

What we're describing in this article is a model that makes it possible for people to have these kinds of conversations intentionally. What we've observed is that when people lack an intentional model of having conversations together, they spend their time in conversations that instead depress, divide, and disengage them.

The power of possibilities

Many communities today still believe in the power of problems as a way of energizing, engaging, and empowering people. The reality is that problems do have the power to bring people together who have been otherwise isolated or fragmented. But they don't have the power to help people move toward a new future together. Nothing creative or collaborative comes from talk about what's wrong, what we don't like or want, what bothers us, what we don't have and haven't achieved and who's to blame and who should be responsible for the solutions. These are the old conversations that only have the ability to depress, divide, and keep us disengaged.

People move forward with conversations about possibilities. People have the ability to create new futures together when they instead have conversations that focus on what they do want and like, what attracts and calls them, what they are achieving, what they have and can do. They move forward together when they spend more time making promises than excuses and accepting responsibility for action instead of postponing it until other institutions and leaders in the community do something for them.

5 indicators of vital communities

The origin of the word community is "gifts together." Building community means that people engage their gifts in the realization of our personal and collective dreams. It means moving from a problem focus to a possibility focus.

When a community is vital, 5 kinds of connections occur. People know each other, look out for each other, connect each other, barter with each other, and engage each other. They don't wait for politicians and institutions to make this happen. They take and share responsibility for being the kind of community they dream to be.

Conversations that build community

We have been studying communities for a long time and have observed that there are 4 kinds of conversations that build community. They are conversations that call us to realize our power. They are conversations that emerge from our expectation that we are smarter, stronger and more whole together.

In Dream space conversations, we talk about what we think of as the qualities of a thriving community. Our best dreams are declarations of possibilities into the future. Dreams achieved are always the result of many small acts. In Small acts conversations, we talk about small experiments we can engage in that help realize our dreams. What we are realizing is that small is the new big. In The dreams and small acts that matter most to us are those that engage our gifts. In Gifts conversations, we talk about the talents, resources, and assets we each bring to the table. In Invitation conversations, we talk about who else inside and outside the community that we can invite to bring their gifts to our small acts and dreams.

These are the conversations that have always brought people together in community. Look at any asset in any community and you can see how it emerged at the intersections of dreams, small acts, gifts, and invitations.

What keeps people & entities fragmented in communities

People and entities become and stay fragmented because they practice what we call the "Shadow Conversations." These are conversations that get in the way of people building community.

Problem conversations are conversations about problems. What we don't like, what bothers us, what we want to get rid of and reduce. They are a denial of our dreams, the possibilities that attract us, and what we consider the qualities of vital communities. Consensus conversations are about our need for everyone's approval. They are a denial and postponement of small acts a few people can pursue because they have passion for them.

Deficiency conversations are about weaknesses and obstacles. They are about talents, resources and assets we lack. They are a denial of our gifts, our talents and assets that are available and underutilized. Blame conversations are about people not in the room who we hold responsible for solutions to our problems. They are about who's not helping, who's not making things happen, whose not taking responsibility for our grievances, conflicts, and deficiencies. They are a denial of invitations to people outside the room who can join us in our dreams and small acts.

Gifts together

When we become fluent in the 4 conversations that build communities, we easily move together in the directions of our dreams. We live by the four truths that everything in life happens becomes fully possible, whatever story we tell ourselves about reality is only one possible story, whatever we're doing right now is only one possible thing to do, and we don't need a different reality to do what else is possible right now.

We move from being victimized by problems to being empowered by possibilities. We discover that we can do more together than we ever do apart. We discover what all living systems on all scales have known for millions of years, that our gifts have no sustainable value until we bring them together. Community. Gifts together.